32_Warning: Feels.

The other night, I shared a link that was meant to be a list of things that us Generation Y kids should understand.  It didn't take long for a few of us to realize how pathetic and misogynistic this list was.  As much as we are going to create a counter list, there was one point that threw me into a rage:

#90:  You're most likely to be the cause of your own depression.

The implication being that if I were to not cause my own depression, I could be OK.  So all that I need to do is not be depressed.

Guess what.

As much as your article is categorically wrong about so many things, it is without a doubt, and offensively, wrong about this.  The depression that I deal with is not a matter of my mindset, but rather a matter of my brain chemistry.  It is not something that I can will away by simply wanting to be happy.  It is a part of who I am and it is a part of how I will be for the rest of my life.

Here's a story for you.  Once, when I was a sophomore in college, I went to get some chicken tenders and french fries for lunch.  I also grabbed some barbecue sauce packets.  But I grabbed too many.  And in that moment, I thought the worst things possible.  I thought about doing terrible things to myself because I took too many barbecue sauce packets.  No, there was no reason for me to consider those things.  But I did.

And that's what you don't get.  It's not about being sad once in a while.  It's not about terrible things happening.  It's about stupid shit that happens to you every day and the strange guilt, shame and hopelessness you feel making those decisions.  EVERY. DAY.  It's about seeing that extra packet of barbecue sauce and wanting to give up.

What people don't realize is that depression is not a weekend warrior.  It is not you just being sad.  It is a something that you deal with EVERY. DAMN. DAY.  All day.  Every day.  It's something that is a part of you.

So to hear things like this that imply that all I need to do to cure my depression is to simply not be depressed anymore is just...insulting.  To say the least.  I have built a life out of fighting my depression and I will not give up anytime soon.  It is something that I struggle with EVERY DAY. EVERY DAMN FUCKING DAY.  End of story.  But I will win.  Because, least of all, I refuse to let assholes tell me that all I need to do is smile more.

And I smile a lot.  Because I get it.  Because I have to.

- Kid