I'm surprised something like this hasn't already popped up on my Facebook newsfeed. It's possible that it did, but I simply ignored it or overlooked it because there wasn't a cute picture accompanying it.
I started to think about the two most popular things that do happen to pop up on my Facebook newsfeed: political rants and funny/cute pictures involving cats and dogs. That got me thinking: "if cats and dogs had politics, which would be the democrat and which would be the republican?" After about ten seconds of thought, it was clear that the cat would be on the side of the GOP and the dog would be barking "Yes we can" over and over again.
I share with you my findings below to illustrate how that would be:
Appearance:
Dogs: Come in all shapes and sizes from a multiplicity of different breeds and different socio-economic backgrounds.
Cats: Much more uniform, except for color and length of hair. Black ones are the subject of much superstition.
Work Ethic:
Dogs: Eager to get things done, but usually end up chasing their own tails.
Cats: Once in the house, they're really not big fans of accomplishing much of anything.
The War on Drugs:
Dogs: Love the grass, man.
Cats: Don't even care for catnip.
Immigration:
Dogs: Welcome everyone in, including criminals, sometimes.
Cats: Extremely wary of any visitor from the outside.
Entitlements:
Dogs: Try to give you gifts, even when that just creates more of a mess.
Cats: Have their place on the down comforter and don't care where or how well you sleep.
The Economy:
Dogs: BIG fans of the auto industry. (Especially the people who make the windows go down.)
Cats: Tend to exploit people for their personal comfort.
Gay Rights:
Dogs: Believe all should be able to hump all.
Cats: Not even comfortable with petting, sometimes.
The War on Terror/Foreign Policy:
Dogs: Can bark the bark, but rarely bite the bite.
Cats: BIG fans of going out into the world and acting aggressive towards the locals.
Gun Control:
Dogs: Always willing to bring gun victims to the attention of gun owners.
Cats: LOVE hunting.
Compromise:
Dogs: Willing to eat whatever the cat spits out.
Cat: Don't understand why we need the dog in the first place.
Working With Each Other:
Dogs: "Maybe that cat will be my friend!"
Cat: *Hits dog on the nose*
- 5 minutes later -
Dogs: "Maybe that cat will be my friend!"
Cat: *Hits dog on the nose*
(ad infinitum)
So there you have it. I'm sorry to my staunchly Democratic parents, but it looks like you've been shacked up with two hardcore right wingers all this time. Next time maybe get a poodle.
Join me next time on A Bit of Humore, where we discuss the extreme Libertarian leanings of the honey badger.
- Kid
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