11_Distinctions

Let me be clear.  I will not use this blog as a journal so that I can spill out my anxieties and fears and angstyness.  Although, being a writer, it's bound to come out at some point.  But I do need to be clear about some things:  the fact that I'm enmeshed in a life-long battle with depression (and some anxiety, to make it interesting) is no secret.  I will not go on in too much detail about this because, quite frankly, the nature of what depression really is and how it affects people has been fairly exhaustively covered by the rest of the Interwebs.

I will say one thing which I think is fairly relevant:  if you want to do mental health a disservice and boil depression down into only two types, you would have on one hand the more situational based depression.  "I am sad because my puppy died while he was driving his little puppy car drunk."  On the other hand, you'd have the deeper, chemical depression where there's nothing you can do about it but wait it out.  It's a matter of your brain chemistry being out of sync. It's not brought on by anything, it just happens.  That's where I am right now.

Which is why I'm determined to start seeing my weekly goals through and to take those baby steps towards leading a life more suitably geared towards staving off emotional pitfalls.  And while it is usually good for your writing to have your characters teetering on the brink of one emotional pitfall or another, it's not fun being there in actual Real Life.  It certainly doesn't make it easy when Well Intentioned Nasty Editor tells you with as much patience and affection as is possible that everything you absolutely love about the story you've just shown her doesn't work.

Which leads me to another distinction I would like to make.  Faulkner, aside being famous for being a terrific writer, was also famous for the much-quoted saying "kill your darlings."  Meaning, don't be afraid to get rid of an element of a story simply because you think it's really neat.  I would like to amend that a tiny bit.  Don't kill your darlings, keep them on cryostasis.  Your darling may not be right for that specific story, but you never know when it will be needed.

GRAD SCHOOL WATCH:  Looking up programs.  The least fun part of it, I think.  Once I move in to Bro's house in two weeks I'll have a nifty chalk-board wall in my room on which to draw really cool charts detailing my progress and deadlines and...aliens?  Sure.  Fun.  But until then, it's the tedious process of narrowing down this Vast Country's offerings of further education to twelve or fifteen programs that might take me.

- Kid

10_Reformatting

The New Glitterati gave me a weekly goal yesterday at brunch and I only have myself to blame, as I asked her to give me a goal.  I'm still going to blame her.  The goal she gave me is that I get seven drinks this week.  I can ration them as I see fit (one a day, all seven on one day, etc), but I only get seven.

It's a goal that's going to require some organization.  I mean, what is there really to do in Federal Hill if you're not going out for the night?  Are there any good movies playing nearby?  Any animals at the zoo have adorable-not-yet-vicious-killing-machine young?  We shall find out.

I also plan on doing a shitload of writing.  (I also think it's great that the spellchecker on this thing doesn't throw a red line under "shitload".)

As well as reformatting my life a little, any thoughts on this blog's layout?  I'm trying to figure out of there's anything about it that needs to change.  I feel like there is, but I'm not too sure.  Outsider input?

- Kid

09_Lyrics: Part 1

I came up with these earlier tonight.  I dedicate them to anyone who wishes they could just sleep.  They are to be sung to the tune of Johny Cash's "Folsom Prison Blues":

"I hear my bed a callin'

It wants me to come home

It's want me to lay in it

So I'll never be alone

But the rain is coming down

And I have so far to go

Until my weary head

Hits my loving pillow

When I was just a young boy

The two of us were lovers

I didn't wanna go to school

Just stay underneath the covers

But my mother pulled the sheets off

She told me to go out

And now my bed is calling

And I can hear it shout

So here I am a walkin

Until I can get back

To those faithful lovin bedsprings

And that deep rest that I lack

But the rain keeps on falling

And I wish that I could be

Under those warm dark covers

So fast asleep"

- Kid

08_Looking Forward

I have to thank Big Bro and Sis in Law for getting married.  Why?  Because of their marriage, it made it a lot easier for me to win my weekly goal of not watching any TV while the sun was up.  Thanks, man!  The wedding was worth it, if only for that.

By the way, anyone ever heard of CinemaDen.com?  Because they've charged me $120 over the past three months to sign me up for movie streaming or some such that I never approved.  And I've never been to that site ever before in my life.  I like the people at my bank, but I don't really like to have to talk to them for that long.

I guess dealing with your first credit card fraud is a part of life.

And so now that the wedding celebrations have ended and life has settled back in to the usual drudgery, I'm looking forward more than ever to getting my grad school applications together.  It's like taking a step towards some more tangible reality of adulthood.  As if when I step through the doors, they will hand me a certificate honoring me with maturity.

Of course that is the wrong view to take on a life-altering change like going to graduate school, but I can't help looking forward to it as the Next Big Thing and, with that, the Next Step in Life.  Now I just have to, ya know, do all the work associated with applying.

- Kid

07_Current Events

Well, I am ashamed to admit that last week's challenges were too much for me.  I wrote about 4 days out of 7 and exercised about 3.  So, if you add me all together, I came out .500 for the week, which is more than the Orioles can say for a season, so there's at least that.

This week I'm going to get the creative juices flowing.  Write and play guitar every day.  I love my music and haven't been doing nearly enough of it lately.

As well, I've taken the first tentative steps towards entering into a Masters in Creative Writing.  The goal is to end up Educating Fertile Young Minds as they Better Themselves by getting a Degree.  Look at all those caps.  That's impressive, that is.

Since I can't find the gadgets to get this sort of thing on the sidebar, I'll just post them here.  My two current obsessions/interests:

What I'm reading:  The Ventriloquist's Tale, by Pauline Melville

And my current musical obsession, an oldy but a goody, Underoath - They're Only Chasing Safety

Anyone know any gadgets so I can regularly update these things on the sidebar without having to put them in posts?

- Kid

06_Challenges of All Kinds

Last week's One Week Challenge ended in an Epic Win.  I went vegetarian for the week and not only did I hold to it, but I realized that I don't really miss eating meat.  Sure, if my mom makes meatloaf or gets some Italian sausage from Mastellone's, I'm not gonna say no.  That would be stupid.  But am I going to go out and order the steak dinner over the veggie pasta just for the sake of it?  No.

This week is a bit more to the point:
 - Write every day
 - Work out every day.

As far as working out goes, thanks to my parents I now have awesome new running shoes and my dad keeps sending me sign ups for 5 and 10k runs that are happening in like, two days.  If I can make it 1k right now, I'd be happy.  Next year, dad.

As far as writing goes, I'm on my own.  I have taken a few baby steps.  No longer is my homepage a blog devoted to awesome Lego sculptures, but rather one of my old-time favorites:  The Intern Spills.  See?  I'm wasting my time online with Writing Stuff.  Not just...Stuff.  Improvement, no?

I suppose the biggest problem with this side of the challenge is the "So What?" factor.  Say I sit and manage to write for three hours straight every day this week.  What will that really accomplish?  Sure I might shore up a story or two, yes I might FINALLY get around to changing that damned comma that's been bugging me in paragraph two, but I might also spend three hours writing about this really weird dream I had where I so impressed Gordon Ramsay with my skills as a waiter that he immediately put me on the schedule and gave me $9956 dollars.  (True story and yes, the amount was that specific.  Dreams are weird.)  That might not exactly win me a Pulitzer.  And if it did, I'm not sure I'd want the award...

I think I need to come up with something of a bit more solid goal next week.  You're all writers.  If there's one thing that you think a writer should do daily that would make them more productive in an overall sense, what would it be?

- Kid

05_One Week Goals Challenge 3: Doing it for the Animals

Last week's challenge ended in such delicious failure, but this week I'm determined to see it through.  My goal this week?  Saving animals by going vegetarian.  I don't eat a whole lot of meat (no 24oz caveman steaks for me), but I do eat meat all the time.  There are very few meals I have that are vegetarian.

So this week, I'm going Starter Vegetarian:  no meat, but fish and eggs are still allowed.  I'm also going to see if I can't cut back on how much dairy I consume, especially cheese.  Hopefully this will all add up to some money saving and some pounds-losing.

Now, it's off to the Teets to buy some hummus and olives and stuff like that.  Mmmmm.  Hummus.

- Kid